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The Poop Heard Round the World News Channel 3's Betsy Lambert's confrontation with Occupy Eureka surrounding the question "Who Pooped and Peed on the Bank?" and the subsequent head-scratched-raw decision by KIEM to actually release the incriminating video was a perfect storm brewed in viral video heaven. So good, in fact, that we felt like singing. We're confident you will want to too. LISTEN! 
| "Who Pooped and Peed on the Bank (Ode to Betsy Lambert)" G Em C G Come gather ‘round Humboldt, I’ll tell you a tale G Em C D ‘bout an Occupy camp near the pink county jail G Em C G And how the local news station, they done lifted the veil G Am D by seeking the truth we all crave D Am C D Channel 3 asked the question on everyone’s mind G Em D G “Who pooped and peed on the bank?” The other news media were all out to lunch But our own Betsy Lambert acted on a hunch That the poop in the doorway had been left by the bunch Of the Occupy camp as a prank So she shook up their tents and she rattled their camp Asking “Who pooped and peed on the bank?” The protesters resisted, not sure what to think But Betsy, determined to find the source of the stink, Was sure the occupiers would be the first to blink Somebody had to be blamed! Since, after all, these were essentially kids, she cried “Who pooped and peed on the bank?” The poop’s been bagged up, the pee, it has dried But the perp’s still at large, we should all run and hide They might poop on us next, but at least Betsy tried We all owe her great big ol’ “Thanks.” But the question’s unanswered, we’re still wonderin’ “Hey, who pooped and peed on the bank?” |
Below: A live performance of "Who Pooped and Peed on the Bank (Ode to Betsy Lambert)."
And finally, a transcript:
Red Shirt Guy: "… peeing on us everyday."
Punk Mullet Dude: "No one pooped on the bank."
Red Shirt Guy: "So, why…"
Betsy Lambert: "Why was…"
Punk Mullet Dude: "There was pee. (giggle)"
Betsy Lambert: "There was pee on it?"
Red Shirt Guy: "How 'bout…"
Betsy Lambert: "How do you know there was pee on it?"
Red Shirt Guy: "How 'bout as a journalist..."
Betsy Lambert: "How do you know there was pee on it?"
Red Shirt Guy: "How 'bout as a neutral journalist…"
Betsy Lambert: "Well you just said, you just said, you know there was pee on it. How do you know there was pee on it?"
Punk Mullet Dude: "I didn't say that. You said 'how did I know?'"
Betsy Lambert: "You said "nobody pooped." How do you know there was pee on it?"
Punk Mullet Dude: "Maybe I lied."
Red Shirt Guy: "I'd like to point out to anybody watching this is really bunk journalism."
Punk Mullet Dude: "Yeah, it is."
Red Shirt Guy: "You come up to…"
Betsy Lambert: "I… um…"
Upturned Bill: "I didn't even hear about this 'til now."
Red Shirt Guy: "You want to ask us a question? Come up and soundbite us."
Betsy Lambert: "We're asking… I'm asking…"
Red Shirt Guy: "Yeah, so I'm giving you an answer. The banks…"
Betsy Lambert: "Who pooped on the bank?"
Red Shirt Guy: "I'm telling you the banks poo and pee on us everyday of the year."
Kelly May: "I saw them pick it up."
Punk Mullet Dude: "Really? I'm sure you did."
Betsy Lambert: "So, did you go and do that to them then?"
Red Shirt Guy: "I have no idea. I have no knowledge of what you're talking about. All I'm taking to you about…"
Betsy Lambert: "But I'm… So, answer my question."
Red Shirt Guy: "To me, the bigger question is: Who is really oppressing who?
Betsy Lambert: "Answer my question."
Red Shirt Guy: "And who is really pooping on who here?"
Betsy Lambert: "Answer my question."
Red Shirt Guy: "Yeah, I'll…"
Betsy Lambert: "Did someone from this camp spread feces and pee on US Bank."
Red Shirt Guy: "I have absolutely no knowledge of that happening."
Betsy Lambert: "Do you know of that?"
Clean Beanie Man: "That's the first I'm hearing of it."
Red Shirt Guy: "What I do know is that the banks are pooping on us everyday."
Betsy Lambert: "Ok, you're not answering my question."
Punk Mullet Dude: "The banks shit on people."
Betsy Lambert: "Do you know of someone pooping and peeing on the bank?"
Brown Shirt: "I have no idea."
Betsy Lambert: "Oh, get this."
(background chant): "The banks poop on us. The banks poop on us. The banks poop on us."
Kelly May: "So are you saying…"
Betsy Lambert: "So are you saying that since they pooped on you, you are pooping on the bank?"
Red Shirt Guy: "No, no. I didn't say that."
Betsy Lambert: "Then why are you saying that?"
Red Shirt Guy: "No, I said the banks poop on us."
Betsy Lambert: "Then why are you saying that."
Red Shirt Guy:
"Because I have no way… I don't know… I have no idea what you're
talking about. You're coming here talking about poop and pee on the
banks. I'm saying, hey, if anything the banks are the ones pooping on us
everyday."
Betsy Lambert: "The police have pictures."
Red Shirt Guy: "Great."
Betsy Lambert: "They have this on surveillance, so who did it?"
Red Shirt Guy: "I have no knowledge of any of it. I have no knowledge about any of it."
Betsy Lambert: "Ok, ok. Let's go see some."
(background voice): "… in the Sentinel?"
(background voice): "The Sentinel?"
(background voice): "That was not in the Sentinel."
Red Shirt Guy: "This is bunk journalism."
Betsy Lambert: "See, this is…"
Kelly May: "Go tell them that."
Betsy Lambert: "Who pooped and peed on the bank? Did you poop and pee on the bank?"
Tent Sleeper: "?"
Betsy Lambert: "Did you? Do you know anyone that did it that?"
Tent Sleeper: "Why would I poop and pee on the bank?"
Betsy Lambert: "Just wondering if anyone knows."
Betsy Lambert: "Do you know if someone pooped and peed on the bank?"
Jumbo Nolan: "No comment."
Betsy Lambert: "No comment?"
Jumbo Nolan: "Now get that fucking camera outta…"
Betsy Lambert: "Hey!"
Kelly May: "Hey!"
Betsy Lambert: "Hey! That is assault! Hold on! I am arresting… I am… Excuse me!"
Jumbo Nolan: "You get that camera out of my face!"
Betsy Lambert: "Excuse me!"
Red Shirt Guy: "He's asking… You were assaulting him too…"
Betsy Lambert: "No! He just grabbed the camera!"
Red Shirt Guy: "Just give each other space. Give each other space."
Betsy Lambert: "Are you recording?"
Kelly May: "Yes."
Betsy Lambert:
"You're recording. Nope, you just grabbed the camera. That went too
far. That went too far. You need to know that went too far. Too far! We
are asking questions. You went too far."
Red Shirt Guy: "I didn't do anything."
Betsy Lambert: "You went too far."
Red Shirt Guy: "I came over and tried to chill him out."
Betsy Lambert: "You went too far."
Red Shirt Guy: "You guys came here to stir up trouble."
Kelly May: "No we didn't."
Red Shirt Guy:
You didn't come up here and say, hey, guys, I'd like to talk to you.
This is a question we have. The reality is the banks are pooping on us
everyday. That is the message that's important here. Not corporate media
coming in here harassing people until they get upset."
Betsy Lambert: "You guys want us to do news on you. We're doing news, k?"
Red Shirt Guy:
"This is not news. I'm sorry, this is not news. This is you coming and
trying to harass people in their tents and putting cameras in their
face!"
Betsy Lambert: "We're walking through your camp."
Red Shirt Guy: "Nobody knows about the poop and the pee!"
Kelly May: "The police did."
Red Shirt Guy: "Yeah, we don't. We don't."
Betsy Lambert:
(on the phone) "I'm not kidding you we just got grabbed. We got it on
camera. We're at the, um, courthouse. Right in front of the courthouse.
We were asking them if they pooped and peed and the guy grabbed us.
Grabbed the camera."
Kelly May: "He said, "Get that f'ing camera out of here."
Betsy Lambert: "Thank you. Bye bye."
Red Shirt Guy: "They can film, whatever. If they're like shoving cameras in people's faces."
Punk Mullet Dude: "They can, but we told her we didn't appreciate it."
Betsy Lambert: "It doesn't matter. This is public property."
Red Shirt Guy: "I agree."
Betsy Lambert: "That fact that, listen…"
Kelly May: "Just wait 'til the police get here."
Betsy Lambert: "Let me make this point: The fact that you guys feel like you have the right to be here? We have the right to be here to."
Calm Black Shirt: "I'm not saying you don't."
Betsy Lambert: "So you don't need to grab our camera."
Black Shirt Guy: "Ok, there was one person."
Betsy Lambert: "I don't care! That just happened here!"
Black Shirt Guy: "I agree. I agree and I'm going to…"
Kelly May: "The police are still coming."
Betsy Lambert: "No, let's just walk over here."
Black Shirt Guy: "That's fine. I'm sorry that happened."
Thank you, Betsy. Thank you.
